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  • Brian Jonestown

The Seminole Rap (Reboot)



Who can forget the Seminole Rap? No self-respecting Florida State fan, that's for damn sure. For us, the five and a half minute video lives for all eternity in the pile of mush in between our ears, those legendary lyrics burned into our frontal lobes. Mostly because we still watch it every morning. Cocaine’s a helluva drug.

Late 80’s Deion in all his “Prime Time” glory practically making love to the camera. Quarterbacks Chip Ferguson and Peter Tom Willis reminding everyone why you never hand two white-guys a microphone. Lineman John Brown eating a 45 pound weight like it was a fucking ham sandwich. And a young Odell Haggins dropping the hardest bars the rap game ever seen, son! All of this set in the backdrop of a music video with the soundtrack and production quality of an 80’s porno.

It’s been 30 plus years since the Seminole Rap was unleashed on the world and so much has changed. So, we thought, what if the current members of the FSU football team decided to do an updated version. Watch the original first ...



And now for the reboot. Sung to the tune of the original track of course.



Chorus [Whole Team]

Hey! We are the Seminoles of Florida State

We’re not good, but we think we’re great

O-Line are cripples — worst in the land

Play most home games without any fans

On Saturday’s we strut our stuff

While Deckerhoff says ‘them Noles look rough’

We’ve worked real hard, but still are crap

So we had to come up with the new Seminole Rap!



Verse 1 [Khalen Laborn, Running Back #4]



My name is Khalen, I run the ball

But the O-line don’t wanna block at all

I got bullshit tackles, and bullshit guards

17 carries for 21 yards

I’m a five star talent with two star luck

Maybe I’ll transfer, maybe I’m stuck

Two bum ankles and a severed knee cap

So that’s why I’m here to do the new Seminole Rap!

Verse 2 [James Blackman, Quarterback #1]



JB here, and I’m the QB

Stand 6 foot 6 and weigh 103

I throw some touchdowns, but mostly Picks

People call me the black Chris Rix

I’ll toss interceptions, the other team scores

Fans get mad -- then I toss some more

I might just fumble or take 13 sacks

But, I’m just here to do the new Seminole Rap!



Verse 3 [The Entire Offensive Line]



We’re the Offensive Line, fans hate our guts

People compare us to a kick in the nuts

False start, holding, quarterback sack

First down! Nope -- it’s coming back

We got no right tackle, so we use guards

Pass blocking like a pack of ree-tards

They say we’re dookie, and that's a fact

And that’s why we’re doing the new Seminole Rap



Verse 4 [Akeem Dent, Defensive Back #27]



Hey I’m Akeem, need I say more?

Teams throw it my way when they need to score

Four four speed, but hands like bricks

I hold the school record for dropping picks

I’m more like Mangum -- less like Prime

Bite on the pump fake ev-er-ee time

I do the incomplete pass signal like all our d-backs

But right now I’m just doin the new Seminole Rap !

Verse 5 [Marvin Wilson, Defensive Line #21]



Big Marv’s the name, I’m strong and mean

The only good player on the whole damn team

First round draft pick and first round bucks

Said I was returning -- what. in. the. fuck!?

But just say thank you, and say it true

Cause when I’m gone all the talent's gone too

Durden is average, Robert Cooper’s just fat

So I got one more year to do the new Seminole Rap!


Chorus [Whole Team]


We are the Seminoles of Florida State

But this ain’t 2013 or 98

The problem is simple — can’t you understand?

Jimbo left us with our dicks in our hands

We‘ll lose the game, but still strut our stuff

Ticket sales say fans had enough

We hit rock bottom -- with a slap

So just sit back and listen to the new Seminole Rap!




NOLES, BITCH!

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